An old story.
It was indeed an insignificant story, a long memory so old that no one could remember it. But to her, it was a story more precious than anything else in the world, and it was brilliant.
Until she met him, she knew nothing about the concept of family, the love of parents, or the warmth of the world—nothing at all.
It would have been a natural thing if it were natural. After all, she was nothing more than a weapon, a living tool, an object created by the hands of others. Countless people cherished things or objects, but it was safe to say there was no one in the world who loved them.
That was the extent of her world.
At some point, she had become accustomed to being treated in that manner. She came to believe that the desolation surrounding her must be the entirety of the world.
Day by day, various types of knowledge were forcibly crammed into her head, yet no one taught her about these things. She was wiser than anyone else in the world, but in a sense, she was no less ignorant than anyone else.
Neither charity, fraternity, goodwill, nor love was known to her.
She never learned how to love someone.
Reflecting on it, it was inevitable. Her life had been such that she never received a single moment of love. No matter how wise she was, there was no way she could give to others what she had never received, even for a moment.
Love was not a benevolent king who granted wishes unconditionally. It was more like a gold coin. Just as gold energizes the economy by circulating through exchanges with others, love was the same. Only when one was loved could they gain the strength to love someone else.
It was impossible for her, a flawed creation that had never received love from anyone, to love someone.
So, she gave up, realizing that such a thing could not be given to her. All members of her family shunned her. The children of her age, whom she happened to meet, were afraid of her. They did not hesitate to refer to her as a ‘monster’ behind her back.
In truth, even from her own perspective, she was a monster.
She had learned to handle magical powers even before being weaned from her mother and had never struggled to learn anything. Thus, there was neither praise nor scolding in her life.
At the very least, she bitterly acknowledged that she was something distinctly different from normal people.
In this way, she locked her heart tightly with a padlock. To protect the small thing in her heart, she decided not to allow anyone into it.
Yet, occasionally, her heart ached.
One day, while passing through the street in a carriage, she saw a girl walking hand in hand with her mother and father. The child, excited from being out with her family, ran down the street vigorously and fell, scraping her knee. Her parents comforted her, tended to her wound with a handkerchief, and wiped away her tears. The girl stopped crying and smiled brightly.
It was truly nothing extraordinary, a sight found everywhere in the world.
However, it deeply hurt her.
For some reason, it was sad.
If she had been born and raised in such an ordinary family, could she have grown up receiving love? Would she have fallen in love with a certain man, received blessings from her parents and others, had a wedding, started a family, had children, and eventually grown old with that person?
It was a futile assumption, a meaningless imagination. Although she knew this well, she could not take her eyes off them. She saw herself reaching out her hand, fully aware that it would never reach them.
Perhaps she was screaming in silence, begging to be rescued from the mire she could not escape, wishing for someone to look at her and help her.
At the end, she wished for someone to love her.
She wished and wished, silently.
Then one day, a miracle came quietly.
[Cain, Cain von Estel.]
The girl came face to face with a certain boy.
She remembered that moment vividly, not missing a single detail. It was the first moment of light in her life, when nothing had existed since her birth.
[You’re such a fool. I am not afraid of someone like you. Even an insignificant old man in our estate knows how to use magic. From my point of view, you are just an ordinary girl.]
It was the first time someone looked at her with eyes no different from others.
[Do you want to eat this too? No, just take one. Actually, I was saving it for my younger sister, but I will give one to you, especially.]
It was the first time someone did her a favor without expecting anything in return.
[Well, see you later. The next time we meet, I won’t lose so easily. Be prepared.]
It was the first time someone told her that they wanted to meet again later.
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